Question by boubacar b: PLEASE! PROOF READ FOR ME, It is due midnight..100 points for anyone it?
There are several great athletes who have behaved in such a way that they’re very poor role models for the young people who look up to them. Athletes are an inspiration to young people because they watch every move they make. For better or worse, young people observe and imitate their behaviors, actions, values, beliefs, and even their expressions. Modeling is important because it is the primary way that children learn the values they will carry for the rest of their lives.
Michael Phelps, the greatest swimmer, and one of the greatest Olympians of all time, has won 14 career Olympic gold medals, the most by won any Olympian. He has broken thirty-seven world records in swimming; however, he is a poor role model for young people. For instance, he recently revealed that he doesn’t worry about what he eats. He said that he can eat a high fat /high sugar diet and can still perform at peak levels. A typical example of his breakfast is as follows: Three fried-egg sandwiches, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, fried onions and mayonnaise, 3 egg omelets and grits, 3 slices of French toast with powdered sugar, 3 chocolate chip pancakes, and 2 cups of coffee. Many adolescent children admire him should not aspire to this diet, for it is a recipe for disaster for youth health. This kind of diet is setting many youth up for many diseases in later life. For example, heart problems, vascular disease, and diabetes to name a few. Obesity is a major problem in our country and for those who do not exercise as much as Michael Phelps does, this diet could lead to that as well. I believe that this diet is certainly not a positive model for young people to follow.
Another example is Barry Bonds. He is listed at #6 on the sporting news list of the 100 Greatest Baseball Players which makes Bonds the highest-ranked active player in this sport. However, he recently revealed in the media that he has taken steroids to perform better on the field. For this, many consider him a cheater. For those young people who look up to him, this sends the message that it is cool to take steroids. When a role model makes a bad choice, some young people may actually see it as appropriate conduct for them to emulate because, their role model did it. Children need to learn that to participate in sport, a proper code of conduct is needed. Although it sometimes may seem unfair, rules keep the game worth participating in. Bonds has misguided those young adults who look up to him as role model. Simply because of his inappropriate conduct.
Michael Vick is an example of an elite football player for the Philadelphia Eagle of the National Football League, but he is a poor role model for the young people who look up to him. He chose to brutally abuse innocent dogs. This could lead young people to think that it is cool to abuse animals because their role model did. The extent of his wrong behavior is as follows: dog-fighting, gambling, tolerating drug-use and sales at these fights, and tax evasion. His methods of killing the dogs included drowning the dogs, electrocuting them and strangling them by hanging, badly treated all of his dogs. This is not a case of treating dogs royally until they lost a fight. This is an instance of a poor treated all of the dogs. In addition, yes, that included torture (which is often a means of “training” a dog for dog fighting).
In conclusion, these athletes chose to make a poor choices and some young people who looked up to them may be following their lead. Through ones actions, ones words, ones behavior and ones love, one can direct ones children toward the morals you want them to have. But these are irresponsible athlete; therefore, young adults and children should not look up to these athletes as role models.
Answer by Cosimo )O(
First para, last sentence > Role models are important, because they are the …
Second para –
> high fat, high sugar diet – the slash / is not permitted in formal writing;
> typical breakfast is as follows: three … the colon does not mark the end of a sentence, hence no capital T
> use words, not numerals (two, three …)
> missing “who” after “children”
Third para, last sentence
> this is not a sentence (no verb) – should be joined to the previous sentence with a dash
> poor treatment [not treated] of all dogs, including torture, which is often used as …
> delete “a” in the first sentence
> in the second sentence, the pronouns are inconsistent – change all occurrences of “ones” to “your”
> last sentence: These athletes are irresponsible; therefore, … should not look up to them as role models.
What do you think? Answer below!